Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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