Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
