how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
