I think im going to throw up on grandma
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
