I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
