dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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