i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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