You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
