you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
