So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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