we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
