During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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