she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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