Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i can't believe i had my finger in that
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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