I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize
