so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
