He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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