i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
