i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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