What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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