I cannot find my penis.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
how does that bad decision feel?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
