i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
