I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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