My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
