Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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