I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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