That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Farmville is her only friend.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
