i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
