i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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