I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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