the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
