ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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