Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
