my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
