i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
