Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
