I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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