i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
