ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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