i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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