i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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