talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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