Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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