Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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