cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I will pee on everything he values.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
