First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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