If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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