you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Randomize
