Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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