pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
