home. puking in laundry basket.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
