At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Randomize
