no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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